this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
