part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
