mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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