I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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