My underwear smells like fireworks.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
