Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
