Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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