the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
