i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
love makes seman taste better
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
