Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
