how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
