Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize