I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
