I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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