oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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