i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
