Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
