Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
