I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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