I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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