scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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