You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
