Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
