I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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