TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
