good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
