I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
