Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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