it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
