I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
