If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
