I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
