And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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