Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
