You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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