So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize