Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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