the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
