He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
