Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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