you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
