i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
