i permit you to call me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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