at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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