is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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