You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
