Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
