all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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