Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
