Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want a musical about memes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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