I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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