at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
