I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The power of my boobs compel you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
