Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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