Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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