i just had sex bonerless
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
