He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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