the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
