I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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