so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize