Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
