If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You pole danced in your parka.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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