Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
