im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
